Diary Of a Mother, Wife and A Soldier
Life can be so confusing and funny at times. The joys the pains and trials we face in this life. Some how we manage to get by. But that's just it! Why is it that we just get by. I thought we were supposed to have a fairy tale life where you didn't have to practically kill yourself to prove yourself or to make an accomplishment. You do everything you absolutely can to be the good mother, wife and soldier and yet it never seems to be enough for yourself or anyone else for that matter. You love your life and live it to the fullest or is that just some bull crap some self-convinced person put into your head. I've been asking that myself over the years. What in the world is really going on. Time for a reality check.
This week was kind of trying. OK OK it wasn't all that bad if you want to compare but to me it kind of was. First off all week long I've been worked harder then a race horse and I know what your thinking. You're thinking your a soldier and you should work hard that's what you do but lets face it people I am a human to and just like you I get tired to. Not to mention being a mom and running my son back and forth to daycare which I have to drop him off at 0530am. Then there's the cleaning. You know the usual stuff. But man it's completely exhausting. However there is one thing that has been very troubling for me. Feels more as if life just wanted to play fetch with me and the bone is nowhere in sight. I've been to doctor after doctor and right now I'm starting to feel kind of mental. April 1st 2008 I had an IUD inserted i.e. supposedly the god-send of all birth control next to getting your tubes tide. It was great a little pain and cramping but great. Then in July 2008 it hit me and it hit me hard. God hit this ball WAY out of the ballpark this time. Extreme nausea hit me and had no mercy. So much so that I would start getting panic attacks doing things that never ever bothered me before like driving a car and standing in formation. I've been dealing with this for months now and in September I decided to get the darn thing out. What a great day that was or so I thought. I was feeling a thousand times better. Then came 6 mean stabbing demons called vaccinations. My arms were sore but I still felt great though my arms felt as if they couldn't take one more shot. Then I got the dreaded stomach flu eek. Alright it hit me hard for a few days but I was sure that after all that I would be golden and I was so wrong. It all came back like a horrible dream then it went away. What a glorious time. I was finally able to do more then the usual. I could clean every house in the city with the new found energy I had. So on Thursday 28th I took my PT test and passed woohoo I was on a roll. I had to set-up and run a PA system for a change of command ceremony. It was all good except for my gracious (cough cough) NCO made me guard it from 9am-till ceremony time at 1300. Then of course I had to stay and run it through the whole ceremony. It was also hotter then... well you can imagine I'm sure. Then it hit me again. The dreaded nausea. It's a horrible feeling when your over-heated in front off hundreds of soldiers and colonials and so on. I'm just so sick of feeling like this. God needs to stop throwing this bone so far and teasing this anxious pup. Someone tell him to be nice and pull that string back or at least tell him to take a ball bat and knock some sense into my moron doctors. In advance thank you if you do this for me.
Well enough of me and onto a major worry. You know I've always loved my in-laws but lets be frank they can drive me battier then a kid that was just given an ice cream cone and piled to the sky with ice cream. They act like the average day parentals who just live to make your day a little kookier then usual but then when your heart gives out that god awful worry it's like you cry out for them to be ok. They survived through Hurricane Katrina by the grace of God. They live in Biloxi, MS right where the eye of Katrina went over. My father-in-law was all alone in the house and my mother-in-law was trapped in the hospital on the second floor while the first floor was flooded and the third had the roof on fire. They didn't leave because my MIL is an RN and she was very needed just in case. So brave of them. But there is another storm brewing and it's name is Hurricane Gustove. It's Friday and they are already calling out for mandatory evacuations in Mississippi. However brave my husbands parents are I can't predict that if they stay this time if they will be as lucky as they were last time. I'm either over reacting or I'm alright for fearing the way I do. I tell my husband about all the updates but he thinks I'm more worried about this storm then the weather predictors themselves. He doesn't understand the capacity of such storms so it's harder for him to worry unless the threat is immanent but honestly calling out evacuations sounds pretty immanent to me. I can't help it. I'm a worry wort by nature. Even the oil riggers out in the golf are evacuating so I guess I could kiss those nice new gas prices. Note to self for future reference...It's always good to take risks in life but the mouse who got the cheese also got his neck snapped. Sorry so blunt I never said I didn't have a crooked mind.
Life can be so confusing and funny at times. The joys the pains and trials we face in this life. Some how we manage to get by. But that's just it! Why is it that we just get by. I thought we were supposed to have a fairy tale life where you didn't have to practically kill yourself to prove yourself or to make an accomplishment. You do everything you absolutely can to be the good mother, wife and soldier and yet it never seems to be enough for yourself or anyone else for that matter. You love your life and live it to the fullest or is that just some bull crap some self-convinced person put into your head. I've been asking that myself over the years. What in the world is really going on. Time for a reality check.
This week was kind of trying. OK OK it wasn't all that bad if you want to compare but to me it kind of was. First off all week long I've been worked harder then a race horse and I know what your thinking. You're thinking your a soldier and you should work hard that's what you do but lets face it people I am a human to and just like you I get tired to. Not to mention being a mom and running my son back and forth to daycare which I have to drop him off at 0530am. Then there's the cleaning. You know the usual stuff. But man it's completely exhausting. However there is one thing that has been very troubling for me. Feels more as if life just wanted to play fetch with me and the bone is nowhere in sight. I've been to doctor after doctor and right now I'm starting to feel kind of mental. April 1st 2008 I had an IUD inserted i.e. supposedly the god-send of all birth control next to getting your tubes tide. It was great a little pain and cramping but great. Then in July 2008 it hit me and it hit me hard. God hit this ball WAY out of the ballpark this time. Extreme nausea hit me and had no mercy. So much so that I would start getting panic attacks doing things that never ever bothered me before like driving a car and standing in formation. I've been dealing with this for months now and in September I decided to get the darn thing out. What a great day that was or so I thought. I was feeling a thousand times better. Then came 6 mean stabbing demons called vaccinations. My arms were sore but I still felt great though my arms felt as if they couldn't take one more shot. Then I got the dreaded stomach flu eek. Alright it hit me hard for a few days but I was sure that after all that I would be golden and I was so wrong. It all came back like a horrible dream then it went away. What a glorious time. I was finally able to do more then the usual. I could clean every house in the city with the new found energy I had. So on Thursday 28th I took my PT test and passed woohoo I was on a roll. I had to set-up and run a PA system for a change of command ceremony. It was all good except for my gracious (cough cough) NCO made me guard it from 9am-till ceremony time at 1300. Then of course I had to stay and run it through the whole ceremony. It was also hotter then... well you can imagine I'm sure. Then it hit me again. The dreaded nausea. It's a horrible feeling when your over-heated in front off hundreds of soldiers and colonials and so on. I'm just so sick of feeling like this. God needs to stop throwing this bone so far and teasing this anxious pup. Someone tell him to be nice and pull that string back or at least tell him to take a ball bat and knock some sense into my moron doctors. In advance thank you if you do this for me.
Well enough of me and onto a major worry. You know I've always loved my in-laws but lets be frank they can drive me battier then a kid that was just given an ice cream cone and piled to the sky with ice cream. They act like the average day parentals who just live to make your day a little kookier then usual but then when your heart gives out that god awful worry it's like you cry out for them to be ok. They survived through Hurricane Katrina by the grace of God. They live in Biloxi, MS right where the eye of Katrina went over. My father-in-law was all alone in the house and my mother-in-law was trapped in the hospital on the second floor while the first floor was flooded and the third had the roof on fire. They didn't leave because my MIL is an RN and she was very needed just in case. So brave of them. But there is another storm brewing and it's name is Hurricane Gustove. It's Friday and they are already calling out for mandatory evacuations in Mississippi. However brave my husbands parents are I can't predict that if they stay this time if they will be as lucky as they were last time. I'm either over reacting or I'm alright for fearing the way I do. I tell my husband about all the updates but he thinks I'm more worried about this storm then the weather predictors themselves. He doesn't understand the capacity of such storms so it's harder for him to worry unless the threat is immanent but honestly calling out evacuations sounds pretty immanent to me. I can't help it. I'm a worry wort by nature. Even the oil riggers out in the golf are evacuating so I guess I could kiss those nice new gas prices. Note to self for future reference...It's always good to take risks in life but the mouse who got the cheese also got his neck snapped. Sorry so blunt I never said I didn't have a crooked mind.
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